Parenting Question
of the Week
Question 1: Waiting Patiently
I have a regular appointment that I go to each month. Often I have to wait for at least 45 minutes before my appointment so I usually leave my 3-year-old daughter with my sister. My sister is moving away soon and I'm going to have to bring my daughter with me. This makes me very nervous as it is hard for her to sit still for 5 minutes, let alone 45. Do you have suggestions for how I could prepare for this?
Answer: Unfortunately our society is full of waiting - whether it's in waiting rooms, traffic jams, lines at banks, grocery stores, airports, bathrooms, etc. When you know that you are going to a setting in which waiting is required, you are in a better position to be able to prepare in advance. The Triple P - Positive Parenting Program, created by Dr. Matthew Sanders, has a few suggestions for how parents might prepare for times when long waits are expected.
You might choose to start by talking to your child about where they'll be going and what it will be like. You can then decide on a few simple rules for the situation and go over those rules with your child. For example, rules might include things like, "stand next to Mommy while we are in line," or, "play quietly in the waiting room."
As a general rule, children are less likely to misbehave when they are involved in engaging activities. In some situations, like a doctor's office, there may be appropriate activities in the waiting area such as books or a children's table, but that's not true of all settings where we need to bring our children. In these situations, parents and children together might decide on some toys or activities that would be appropriate for the situation. Your child can then help get the activities together in preparation for the trip. Another idea is to have special toys that are only used for these types of outings. These may be toys that children don't usually get to play with and therefore might feel new or exciting. Another way to prepare in advance is to think of easy games that involve conversations, such as "I Spy", that can keep children occupied when no other activities are available.
Appropriate behavior during the wait can be encouraged through praising and rewarding children when they're behaving well. When positive behavior occurs a simple smile and statement such as, "you're doing such a great job playing quietly," tells your child what it is that you like - making it more likely that the behavior will continue. You might also decide to give your child a small reward, like a trip to the park or a special treat, if they follow the rules while you are out.
Before heading to your appointment you may want to go over the rules with your child again to make sure they remember them. Once inside you could help get your child started with the activities available. Check in with your child while they are playing; this can be used as an opportunity to praise them for positive behavior. It may also be an opportunity to comment or make suggestions that could help keep the child engaged in their activity for a little longer, like, "That's a great picture of our family. Why don't you add in the dog and cats?"
Timing can also be important. If children are tired or hungry you may find that they're more likely to misbehavior. When possible, try to avoid making trips and appointments near nap and mealtimes. Bringing along some snacks in case wait times are longer can also be helpful.
Long wait times with young children can be very challenging. Hopefully some of these tips can help you to decide how you want to prepare for times when waiting is unavoidable.
About the authors:
Alexandra Seng, MA, is trained in Triple P. Cheri
Shapiro, PhD, is a Research Assistant Professor in the Department
of Psychology and the Project Director for Building Connections, a federal
grant program through the University of South Carolina that provides Triple
P - Positive Parenting Program training and parenting information to select
South Carolina counties.
