Parenting Question
of the Week
Question 5: Behaving in Church
Question: How can a parent get a child to behave in church?
Answer: Several principles of the Triple P – Positive Parenting program can help children be better behaved in church or other situations where they need to be quiet and respectful.
First, it is helpful to have reasonable expectations of children. Think about how old your child is. The younger the child, the shorter the amount of time they might be expected to sit quietly. Also, think about your expectations for your children. Is this a skill you wish your child to develop? If so, here are some suggestions.
Parents should plan ahead by selecting small, quiet toys or books that can be brought along.
Decide on the rules you would like your child to follow while in church. Rules work best if they are few, fair, and let children know what to do (instead of what not to do). Discuss these rules beforehand; you might also wish to remind your child of the rules right before you enter the church. For example, a church rule might be to sit quietly next to mom, and to do what the minister or pastor asks (such as kneel or greet your neighbor).
Decide how to reward your child for following the rules, and what you might do about misbehavior. Share these ideas with your child. For example, if your child is young, you might want to encourage rule following by putting a sticker in a small notebook every 10 minutes or so that they remain quiet. Or, you may wish to set aside some time to do something your child might like to do after church if they have followed your rules most of the time during the service.
Remember, it is important to be realistic when you set your goals. A child who has difficulty sitting quietly for 15 minutes is unlikely to sit quietly for an hour right away.
Have a discussion with your child after church to review what went well, and what might need to change for next time.
About the authors:
Cheri Shapiro, PhD, is a Research Assistant Professor in
the Department of Psychology and the Project Director for Building Connections,
a federal grant program through the University of South Carolina that provides
Triple P - Positive Parenting Program training and parenting information
to select South Carolina counties. Alexandra Seng, MA,
is trained in Triple P. Find local providers
here.
